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” “What?” Maybe 5 or 10 pounds, but you still look great and you’ve been working out this year, in fact you’re sexier than any woman half your age.” She smiled, “thank you, honey, I appreciate that, but what I’m asking is what if he wants to have me for lunch like we did years ago? “John smiled, I know what the finger quotes mean and I assumed we weren’t talking about a salad and an ice tea.” “Well, how do you feel about that?”“I’m Ok, with you doing him again, but do you want to do him again?”“I don’t know, I have certainly thought about it a lot and used it for inspiration when I’m alone and playing with myself, but it’s been a long time and I’m not sure I am confident enough to just meet him to have sex.” “You don’t have to have sex if you don’t feel comfortable.” “But it’s not like you haven’t had sex with others since Mark.” “And although it has been a while since we were with another couple or you had a quickie from someone, you are still an incredibly sex, beautiful. The lies they had sworn to break and burn away, those very lies were probably what kept them alive even now. What irony, to have had your life built around what you despised most.It was the only way, they had kept telling to themselves. The only way they could change things once and for all, the only way they could spread the truth and uncover the deceit that had blinded them all. And that was the way he was gone now, perhaps forever.The dark thought contorted her face into a mixture of anger, pain, and weeping sorrow. She held her head in her palms, sobbing silently. She was constantly going through the same phases: Sorrow and then anger; then a faint sliver of hope would dawn upon her and recollect her thoughts, compose herself somewhat.And then fear would grip her once more, the uncertainty for her child sweeping everything clean, and the vicious circle of gripping emotions and harrowing memories of happier times would start anew.She would weep and cry, throwing herself against.
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